Lion at Heart

Hey. This post is more of an update on how I’m doing and where I’m at, so if you’re interested, then keep on reading.

So, starting. My boyfriend and I broke up. We both wanted to break up, so it was extremely mutual, but I am a little sad because it killed our amazing friendship. We were only together for two months. This is the first time I’ve been single in maybe over a half a year. I’ve been thinking about my first relationship a lot recently, my 5-month relationship that ended back in January. I don’t want to go back to it, I believe it ended for a reason, but I have been thinking about how good it was, and how I want that, someone like that again. Definitely not for a while, but at least it helps me once again recognize what I want. I believe that after any relationship you should try and find a lesson in it. I have no doubt in my mind that I am going to find something better than what I had before, but the lesson is always something to remember to think about.

I’ve also been studying like crazy. Homework is non stop, and I’m trying to get my driver’s permit. I have one week and a half until my test and I am completely and totally nervous. Not to mention having an unbelievably horrible amount of homework because the hustle never stops.

Speaking of stuff coming up in two weeks, Merced County Spring Fair is in two weeks, and I am working with my animals every day. When push comes to shove, I always remember I can sleep when I’m dead.

But it sounds like I’m complaining about all I’m doing, and we don’t need that negative energy. Today I played guitar for the second time with my church band, and I took my new acoustic-electric guitar (Jessie) out for a spin. I was great. I love music, it’s such a huge part of my life. I always tell people my playlist says what I can’t, and all my walls are down when I am listening to music and that is when I am truly myself. Since we’re on the subject of music, my high school’s spring concert is coming up. Where the band, choir, and guitar will be playing. The setlist for guitar includes:

  1. “Another One Bites the Dust” Queen
  2. “Heart Shaped Box” Nirvana
  3. “Elanor Rigby” Beatles
  4. “Stand By Me” King
  5. “Peter Gun” Mancini

Now, that sounds like fun. It’s even more fun playing it.

I don’t even want to think about finals, but if that is what stands in the way of my summer I am all for it, but that’s a month away.

Anxiety-wise, I haven’t had a single panic attack since my ex-entered my life. He was a really good friend for a while. I was lucky to have him in my life while I did. Sometimes I shake, but I feel healthier and better, and it seems like my body and my mind are handling situations that normally ended in wasting time panicking, in a good and healthy way. I also honestly think I am taking care of myself better. Even though I will always put work and especially my friends over myself.

I have a new plant family. I love watching them right by my window, and they’re succulents so I don’t have to take care of them 24/7. They say having live things around you makes you feel more alive, and it does.

Ooh, and I don’t know if I mentioned this before, but I got M.V.P for soccer. That meant so much to me. I was the team captain and then M.V.P. My coach didn’t even show, only the assistant one. That says a lot about the season. He didn’t say much about anybody, but he did say that he believed that I would do great things and become a great leader, and that meant everything to me. I have a lot to live up to next year if I want to be varsity goalie, but I will work hard every day because I have to if I want to prove myself and gain respect.

I guess this is a good way to lead into why this is titled ‘Lion at Heart’. The breakup wasn’t that bad, but as I mentioned it kind of sucked, but it felt like I was my lion self again. I never changed myself, but I was sad for awhile that’s why the breakup occurred, but something changed. I feel free again. It’s like a part of me, the lion badass part of me turned on again. I am working non-stop, and I can handle it, and I feel ready to take on and conquer this week to come. I have been looking at my phone a lot. The Quote Wednesday #33 is my phone lock screen to remind me.

There’s a fire inside me, and it’s back and I can do anything. So can you if you really want to. I have a new lion logo in the works hopefully to be up by the new may changes. Follow to be a part of the pride, and give this a like down bellow too.

Have a good week and a good life.

-Issie

 

 

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I am a Lion

Hello, people of the internet. Today’s post is going to be a weird one, but try and keep up with me. I hope you guys are doing well, and are having a good week and a good life. But I’m going to jump into it.

This is something I haven’t told too many people, I think just my boyfriend my mom. I always thought this was so weird, but I think I would love to bring this into my life more. I feel spiritually connected to my core to a lion. I don’t know where this started but I do. I was born in July, and I am a Leo, but I feel like the connection goes further than my zodiac.

“The lion is one of the most widley recognised animal symbols in human culture.”

-Wikipedia

When I hear or see a lion my first thoughts are about how the lion is considered the “king of the jungle”. They are a sign of leadership, strength, and courage. Ancient Egyptians even worshiped them for their strength and fierceness. So in my mind, I have always looked up to the lion for the symbol it is.

The character of a lion does also say a lot about my deep connection with it. They are some of the only animals that live in groups called Prides. They are also the only animals that attack with females, and are very strategic and intelligent as well as lazy and sleep a lot.

Taking the lion description do another perspective. I mentioned at the beginning that I am a Leo, and the traits of that zodiac almost completely relate to me. (Disclaimer: I don’t take zodiacs to heart, but there’s a certain amount of connection I feel to them).

So the Leo zodiac is based on a lion, our planet is the sun (makes sense), and our element is fire. Leos are very confident, headstrong/stubborn, strong, loyal, fiery, fearless/adventurous, etc. My personality and life actually accurately relate to the traits of a Leo, even the faults are similar to mine.

I didn’t connect the dots on this connection until last year. As a person, I find that I am a very strong person that can stand on her own two feet, but I need my friends and they really are my Pride. Lions are just so strong and majestic, and I think that’s so amazing to look up to something so pure and amazing like a Lion, and I love incorporating the traits of strength and loyalty to make myself a better person. The lion is so badass and bigger than me. Even before I felt this connection I always loved the lion’s breath in yoga and called my crazy curly hair my ‘Lion’s Mane’. Because in my mind heart and soul not only am I connected to a lion, but some part of me is a lion.

I am also going to be making a logo soon that might have some lion incorporated into it. Always work to make yourself better, and like and follow more down below, and hustle harder every day.

Love,

-Issie

Panic Attack Aftermath Care List

So I had two panic attacks this week. One was out of the blue, and the other was for a very minor reason. I am okay, but it was just intense and I keep on dwelling on it, and I felt very shaken up about it. I feel a lot better, but I’ve been busy, although I know I need to take care of myself, I don’t have time to take a night for myself. So I’m trying to incorporate little things that I love to go into my busy schedule to help me. I mean, I’m writing this blog post, and writing always helps. So I am giving you my list of things I like to do to pick myself up after a hard panic attack. If you’ve ever been through one. They come out of nowhere, they shake you up, and they are emotionally and physically draining. Sometimes it’s also hard to get on with your day after.

  1. Meditate- Meditation is the best thing of life let me tell you. Meditation can come in so many ways. It can be in the form or writing, singing, praying, reading, or just straight up sitting in a cross-legged position on a yoga mat going full-on boho. I like to meditate outside barefoot on my yoga mat. Granted sometimes I meditate in different ways, but I love sitting there on my mat, feeling the grass in between my toes at the edge of it. Breathing in all of the sents around me and just taking it all in. I think I pray, sometimes I even shut down for a full 30 minutes. This is one of the most helpful things after a panic attack because most of all its a brief time to breathe in and breathe out, and that is one of the most important things to do right after. Considering you generally hyperventilate beforehand.
  2. Replenish yourself- Panic attacks are mentally and physically draining, so please, eat some food, and drink some water.
  3. Talk to someone!- Talking to someone even if they don’t deal with stuff like this is better than keeping it in. In fact, it just causes you too well up your emotions and you risk the chance of a mental breakdown. And man we’re trying to get that negative energy out of here!
  4. Repeat mantras or affirmations- Speaking of positive vibes only, when you panic, often after you feel so overwhelmed like a negative cloud is still over you even after, but you can’t let it ruin your whole day, or your life for that matter. So whisper positive afirmations under your breath. Don’t be hard on yourself. You already went through enough physically.
  5. Take the night off- Take the night off, put yourself back together. Do your favorite stuff. Dress yourself up, get comfy, listen to music etc.
    1. Build a fort- Build a fort somewhere in your house make it comfy. Put lots of blankets in it, and lots of pillows. Get your computer, and some candles. Being in a fort also makes you feel more like a kid, and you can lay low and relax.
    2. Watch movies- Movies are the best I love watching Clueless, and School of Rock. I prefer watching comedies, or like 90’s-20’s movies.
    3. Listen to music- Music is the way the soul speaks when words don’t work so well and my friends are good listeners, but they have horrible advice but I know they’re always there for me but they’re boys and they’re bad at giving advice. So music helps a lot. My Spotify playlists (Running and Thinking, and Problematic help a lot) ispat1000
  6. Take care of yourself- Drink water, eat food, be nice to yourself.

This isn’t something to be ashamed of or to get mad of yourself about, this is something to accept as a part of you, but always work to minimize it’s affect on your life. Because you can always have a bad day, but in the end, it is our choice to have a bad life. I love you all. Like and follow for more.

-Issie

It’s Hard to Write.

1/12/18

It’s hard to write. But it’s all I want to do. I just want to type and tell my story, but the words won’t come out, or they do but in the most absurd format. I don’t know if I’m okay. I thought I was, but I really don’t know.

School is hard, and my boyfriend and I broke up. As stupid as it may seem I cared a lot for him. He’s still in my life, but it’s hard to love him in a different way now. It’s hard, it’s all just hard. I refuse to let myself cry, I am too busy to do that. Now that I actually have time to cry, I don’t. I want to, it would be easier, but I can’t. My mind is racing with so much, I don’t know how to get it all out. I’ve written in so many pages in so many notebooks. I’ve tried talking to my friends, but nobody can make me feel better. I always used to depend on myself anyways. But after five months with him, I wanted to talk to somebody.

I don’t know what to write about, but I know I want to write. Writing is my best friend that is always there for me, and those pages never tell my secrets.

I’m nervous to go to school, last week that’s when we broke up my anxiety was acting up really bad. I’m worried it will tomorrow too.

I don’t know.

But it’s not like everything is bad. I’m now officially a part of the church band. They were playing music today, and they said they wished they had another guitarist, and I said I could play both rhythm and lead. So, now I’m playing once a month. I’ve been playing for three years, and now I can play almost any song I want.

Guitar is kind of like writing. It’s a war of expression.

Ooh, another thing I’ve gotten totally into now is yoga. I got a new matt. I’ll talk more about it in another post, but it’s so good.

Speaking of stuff I’m going to talk about latter, Fall Out Boy released their new M A N I A album. It’s really good, they’ve definitely got a bit of a different tone, but they are still staying completely true to themselves as a band, and their sound.

I also finally finished binge watching the TV show Friends, I love it.

You know what, I know I’m rambling about somethings stupid, but it feels good to write about it. I feel better. I don’t know if that’s just temporary, or not but I feel better, and that’s a step in the right direction.

It’s also super comforting knowing that even though I’m doing this by myself, I am not completely because God is on my side. The night that we broke up, I was goalie for my soccer team. I was by myself on our side of the field. The ball was on the other side, about to be played. I was just talking to myself, and picking at the grass. There’s really not much else to do when the ball is on the other side of the field. I am team captain, and we could have beaten this team if we wanted it. We lost, we didn’t want it. But while I was talking to myself I was praying out loud. That’s how I pray. I pace around and talk to myself, but in my mind I’m ranting or talking to an old friend. I told him, I gave myself, everything I had to Him. I told Him that I wanted to win the game, but I trusted in His plan.

We broke up.  It was for a mutual reason, but it’s still hard. But I told God I trusted him, so I have to continue to trust. My boyfriend wasn’t a Christian, and long term, I wouldn’t want to marry someone who wasn’t. But maybe, God will bring him closer. Because I truly believe in the power of God, because it has changed my life. And you may doubt me, but things have to break before they get better.

I normally don’t like to share stuff like this with the internet, but It’s not like there’s much to tell. Besides, this isn’t anything I don’t feel comfortable sharing. But I seriously feel a lot better after writing this, and knowing that somebody is reading, and maybe feeling better because they’re going through something too. That’s why I’m posting this on Monday and not Friday. Maybe a little something to help you through your week.

So yeah, to everyone who actually read all the way through, thanks for reading, take care of yourself, and have a wonderful life.

-Issie