Lion at Heart

Hey. This post is more of an update on how I’m doing and where I’m at, so if you’re interested, then keep on reading.

So, starting. My boyfriend and I broke up. We both wanted to break up, so it was extremely mutual, but I am a little sad because it killed our amazing friendship. We were only together for two months. This is the first time I’ve been single in maybe over a half a year. I’ve been thinking about my first relationship a lot recently, my 5-month relationship that ended back in January. I don’t want to go back to it, I believe it ended for a reason, but I have been thinking about how good it was, and how I want that, someone like that again. Definitely not for a while, but at least it helps me once again recognize what I want. I believe that after any relationship you should try and find a lesson in it. I have no doubt in my mind that I am going to find something better than what I had before, but the lesson is always something to remember to think about.

I’ve also been studying like crazy. Homework is non stop, and I’m trying to get my driver’s permit. I have one week and a half until my test and I am completely and totally nervous. Not to mention having an unbelievably horrible amount of homework because the hustle never stops.

Speaking of stuff coming up in two weeks, Merced County Spring Fair is in two weeks, and I am working with my animals every day. When push comes to shove, I always remember I can sleep when I’m dead.

But it sounds like I’m complaining about all I’m doing, and we don’t need that negative energy. Today I played guitar for the second time with my church band, and I took my new acoustic-electric guitar (Jessie) out for a spin. I was great. I love music, it’s such a huge part of my life. I always tell people my playlist says what I can’t, and all my walls are down when I am listening to music and that is when I am truly myself. Since we’re on the subject of music, my high school’s spring concert is coming up. Where the band, choir, and guitar will be playing. The setlist for guitar includes:

  1. “Another One Bites the Dust” Queen
  2. “Heart Shaped Box” Nirvana
  3. “Elanor Rigby” Beatles
  4. “Stand By Me” King
  5. “Peter Gun” Mancini

Now, that sounds like fun. It’s even more fun playing it.

I don’t even want to think about finals, but if that is what stands in the way of my summer I am all for it, but that’s a month away.

Anxiety-wise, I haven’t had a single panic attack since my ex-entered my life. He was a really good friend for a while. I was lucky to have him in my life while I did. Sometimes I shake, but I feel healthier and better, and it seems like my body and my mind are handling situations that normally ended in wasting time panicking, in a good and healthy way. I also honestly think I am taking care of myself better. Even though I will always put work and especially my friends over myself.

I have a new plant family. I love watching them right by my window, and they’re succulents so I don’t have to take care of them 24/7. They say having live things around you makes you feel more alive, and it does.

Ooh, and I don’t know if I mentioned this before, but I got M.V.P for soccer. That meant so much to me. I was the team captain and then M.V.P. My coach didn’t even show, only the assistant one. That says a lot about the season. He didn’t say much about anybody, but he did say that he believed that I would do great things and become a great leader, and that meant everything to me. I have a lot to live up to next year if I want to be varsity goalie, but I will work hard every day because I have to if I want to prove myself and gain respect.

I guess this is a good way to lead into why this is titled ‘Lion at Heart’. The breakup wasn’t that bad, but as I mentioned it kind of sucked, but it felt like I was my lion self again. I never changed myself, but I was sad for awhile that’s why the breakup occurred, but something changed. I feel free again. It’s like a part of me, the lion badass part of me turned on again. I am working non-stop, and I can handle it, and I feel ready to take on and conquer this week to come. I have been looking at my phone a lot. The Quote Wednesday #33 is my phone lock screen to remind me.

There’s a fire inside me, and it’s back and I can do anything. So can you if you really want to. I have a new lion logo in the works hopefully to be up by the new may changes. Follow to be a part of the pride, and give this a like down bellow too.

Have a good week and a good life.

-Issie

 

 

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