The Mind of Skyler
Good morning. Is it a good morning? Will it be a good day? Studies show that if you put a smile on your face and think it will be good, most of the time it will be. gets up and looks in the mirror. “It will be a good day” I say to myself outloud. Fake it till you make it right? That’s what they say. Who are ‘they’? Who are ‘they’ to make advice like this? So then I think to myself that I just need to calm down. “Whatever, let’s just go to school” I say while looking in the mirror still.
My dad drives me to school, I’m a sophomore so I don’t have my licence yet. We don’t talk to each other, but I just listen to music. He pulls up in the small tight parking lot with the rest of the teenage reckless drivers. I don’t want to be here. Mentally I beg him not to say it, please don’t say it.
“Have a good day Kitty-Cat!” my father yells from the car.
I stop in my tracks and I don’t turn around.
I just tread forward into hell. I go into the band room like I always too, and take my seat in the back. This time instead of playing cello I just sit there listening to my music, close my eyes and immerse myself in the moment. I just pretend that I’m in a different place, and it works, until the bell rings and breaks the silence.
First period, okay, we can do this. Biology.
“Alright class we will be doing some pair work” Mrs. Gallagher says.
My mind starts getting clogged with the anxiety of working with someone else. I start thinking who I would wish to be with as I look around the class. I have no friends. My only wish is that my partner isn’t Brandon, I can’t deal with that. Varsity soccer player, captain of the swim team, photographer for the school paper. With cheekbones I could cut myself on. If I get anxiety from normal people imagine how I would be talking to a genetic god like him!
Mrs. Gallagher spends almost the entire period on explaining the assignment, she says it’s an assignment you can’t throw together, and you need to work with your partner more than just in class, and blah, blah, blah.
Five minutes left in class. God has blessed me, we haven’t gotten to partners. Then she mentions we still need to pick partners. Of course, we don’t choose them. First thing Mrs. Gallagher says is “Brandon you’re with Skyler”. I don’t mean to, but my immediate reaction was facepalm. It was very loud… only me. Why me?!
Lunch, finally, I can do lunch. What do normal people do during lunch? What is normal? Okay Sky, chill you’re getting in your head again. I quickly grap some cardboard pizza from the cafeteria before it floods with badly smelling humans. Wow, I made it out alive, good job, now just get to the band room and hide out.
I make it to the band room, I eat my pizza, I put in my ear buds, and I play my cello. Where I only awaken from my deep sleep until the bell of reality rings.
And it did. I make it through my last two periods only to come to my last class. English class, where I listened to nothing the teacher said, and just watched the clock tick. I tried to listen to it, until finally, the sound of freedom rang. Now it was all about making it through the stampede.
I didn’t. All I told myself is don’t die, and I got the equivalent of it. Slipped and fell on my butt, and yes, I got stepped on. Nope, no prince charming was there to save me, but I never expected that in the first place. Five minutes later once all the hustle and bustle has ended, I got up, and walked home.
Home. In my room. With my music. I do my homework for an hour. But then I just sit there. I listen to the radio, and stare at the ceiling. I wrote a bunch of quotes on the ceiling to remind me of everything. The lights were off, I could have gone to sleep, but yet I couldn’t. I thought about life, I thought about Brandon, and had a mini fan fiction moment in my mind with him. I thought about Annabelle and how she is. I thought about my mom, and how she’s dealing with the divorce I thought about everything until my mind just shut off and I slept.